A parent recently told me “I hold a family meeting once a month, whether we need it or not… it may be short or it may be long…maybe someone says an issue and sometimes we just talk ”.
Connecting. Our lives are so busy and family meetings may just be a way to all sit down together, talk and share pleasurable experiences.
Pro-Active Communication. Our tendency is to forget to tell household members what we appreciate about them and to focus on communicating only when things are going “wrong”. Family meetings create a positive way to talk about what each member likes and doesn’t like. When check-ins happen regularly, it fosters positive comments, constructive communication and problem solving.
Modeling for your Children. Family Meetings provide a forum for exposing your children to positive ways to communicate across a range of emotions as well as problem solving, both critical areas of development. It is important for your children to see you expressing how you feel, how to be supportive and how to come up with solutions.
Teaching your Child About being a Community Member. In a family meeting, your children get to appreciate how others feel about what they do and don’t do, and how they contribute to the family as a whole. This fosters an awareness for your children of the need to consider others perspectives and feelings.
It is important to have some parameters for your “Family Meeting”.
- It should occur at a time that is likely to be relaxing
- Make It Fun! Sit in a cozy place like a couch or fort & have snacksJ
- Exhale any stress you are carrying; you want to have a positive contribution
- The first 2 meetings should focus on positive comments only, what is working for each family member & what they appreciate about each other.
- By your third meeting, you can start with each person stating what is working well for them and then add what is “tricky” (avoid using words like good or bad).
- You, the parent, are a Facilitator of Communication; create the opportunity for your children to express their feelings fully; you need to create a sense of safety or so they can share how they really feel.
- Facilitate problem solving; empathize with each person’s feelings, hear the solutions, and chose one solution to “pilot” until the next meeting. If it isn’t working, other solutions can be explored. Avoid the temptation to dictate the solution- remember this is the chance for your children to learn to problem solve.
- It is okay when a solution doesn’t work; in fact it is a great opportunity to problem solve again in your next meeting!
- Enjoy your time together
By Kiegan Blake, O.T.
(This article was originally published in Maui Family Magazine)